The World of The Gunny

The Wasted World of Gunnery Sergeant DeShane
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PostPosted: 26 Aug 2006 14:31 
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Maybe a new pass time for the Gunny? :bs

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PostPosted: 26 Aug 2006 15:22 
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@Flamand, that is hilarious, especially finding X on the triangle. :bs

@BOS, ya never know what is gonna happen next in the bunker. :w

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Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 27 Aug 2006 12:14 
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If it ain't been done:

http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html


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PostPosted: 30 Aug 2006 16:35 
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Another sport for Gunny? :bs

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and some video's...

Beatboxing Bush: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... e%3Acomedy
Americans + Geography = Hilarious: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... bel%3Abush
Shakira, the final version: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... e%3Acomedy

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PostPosted: 30 Aug 2006 17:30 
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Thorgrimm wrote:
@BOS, ya never know what is gonna happen next in the bunker. :w


'Bwha?

Wolfblade, I was reading that list, and at one point I doubled over, crying, and ended up falling out of my chair because I was laughing so hard. My head and stomach are still hurting, the former from the fall, the latter from the laughter. :bl

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"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 01 Sep 2006 17:54 
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And whats sad is that he's either done, seen it done, or thought about doing it........


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PostPosted: 05 Sep 2006 14:44 
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 18 Sep 2006 19:57 
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A United States Marine was attending some college courses
between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's military who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. ................So, He sent me."

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 18 Sep 2006 21:00 
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@flamand, thor, whoever else wants to read.

I recently met this bloke who was in the Light Horse regiment in Darwin for 11 years, made warrant officer class 1 (highest enlisted rank) after 6 years. in his last year, he was busted down to private because on a training mission, he was drunk, and greeted 2 lieutenants, a captain, a major, and a brigadier general with "Evenin', Orificers"

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Run in little circles,
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PostPosted: 01 Oct 2006 04:20 
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A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

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PostPosted: 01 Oct 2006 22:29 
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Three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wed apply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.

After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No problem at all, Pastor," replies the old man.

"Congratulations!" says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "It was difficult," replies the husband. "By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it."

"Congratulations on overcoming temptation," says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.

"At first it was no problem," says the husband. "But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," says the pastor.

"We know," says the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 17 Oct 2006 04:56 
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this bloke gets a job on a farm. he's a bit of a gambler, and so challenges the farmer to all these bets, which he always wins. Anyway, the farmer eventually gets rid of him to the next farm, and tells his neighbour to be careful about this fellow, who never loses a flutter. So this gambler goes to the second farmer on his first day there, shakes his hand, and says "Geez, by your handshake i can tell that you have genital warts." to which the farmer replies "I certainly do not". The gamber bets him $100 that he does, but only on the condition that he take a visual inspection on the spot. The farmer, remembering the first farmer's warning, thinks "You beauty! i've got this guy" and agrees. So down come the trousers and the gambler is inspecting this guys tocko on the end of his trowel. Later that night, the second farmer rings the first and tells him of the day, and rubs it in that he succeeded in making the gambler lose a bet where he failed. The first farmer breaks down over the phone... "Before he left, the bastard bet me a grand that he'd have your tackle on the end of his trowel by the end of the first day!"

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"When in deadly danger,
When beset by doubt,
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout."


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PostPosted: 17 Oct 2006 11:25 
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The ultimate tool... :bs

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PostPosted: 17 Oct 2006 11:59 
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Flamand, that was great. Where did you find that at? :bl




Cheers, Thorgrimm

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 17 Oct 2006 13:37 
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I bumped into it at the funny images thread at scifimeshes.com... :w

Some more McGyver:

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PostPosted: 22 Oct 2006 02:50 
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A comprehensive list of manlaws :AH

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 11 Nov 2006 20:04 
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How the British Armed Forces deal with snakes
Some months ago now, we looked at how the various branches of the British Armed Forces would react upon that most dangerous objects, a plan. Given that the Forces continue to enjoy a Kipling-esque existence under ‘Bomber’ Blair’s premiership, they are now deployed in far flung climes where they face not only fearsome foe but also similarly unpleasant fauna, this morning dear readers I thought we might examine how the various branches, regiments & corps will react on confronting a snake …

Infantry
Tracks snake through jungle. Snake smells them & quickly leaves area, travelling upwind.

Parachute Regiment
Lands on & kills snake.

Armour
Runs over snake, laughs & looks for more snakes.

Cavalry
Treats snake with haughty disdain as having no impact on primary objective which is to hold London against Roundheads at all costs

RM Commando
Gets naked, plays with snake. Gets drunk with snake. Eats snake

Combat Engineer
Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets & defeating snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pays no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry & drowns.

Royal Artillery
Fires 3 hour concentrated barrage. Misses snake. Tree blown up by stray round falls on snake & kills it. Mission declared successful & all participants awarded gallantry medals.

Special Forces
Makes contact with snake & ignoring Foreign Office directives, builds rapport with snake & starts winning its heart & mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best-seller “Python Two Zero”.

Royal Army Medical Service
Snake dies by mistake on operating table. Dissects snake.


Territorial Army
Kills snake by accident on weekend exercise. Keeps quiet about it.

University Officer Training Corps
Is not experienced enough to deal with snake. Waits until end of weekend exercise, takes snake to Students’ Union bar, gets drunk, sleeps with snake’s fat friend. Snake dies of embarrassment

Intelligence Corps
Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake presence currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low. Dies of snake bite.

REME
Finds snake, teaches it health & safety, COSHH regs, then crushes it in PAC change. Snake dies

Royal Signals
Mutters a lot about snake's role in the J6 plan. Configures snake to pass high bandwidth satellite comms. Snake ends up cooked on front of satellite dish aimed in the vague direction of "over there". No-one notices snake death until Comd's VTC connection drops 2 minutes before start time. Urgent search for replacement snake ongoing.

Adjutant General
Determines that the snake is not black, female, homosexual or disabled. Loses interest.

Defence Logistics Organisation
Orders 2 year study by Anderson Consultants at cost of £10.5M. generating massive workload at grade I staff level. Report finds that killing snake may contribute to 20% output costing savings by inclusion of snake meat in tri-service messing. Snake Meat Implementation Team formed, with 2-star tri-service steering group. Aim to introduce snake meat into all messes & ration packs by 2010. Snake experts from Special Forces & Ghurkhas ignored. High profile £2M PR campaign launched featuring celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott & retired 4-star officers keen to supplement their index-linked pensions. Snake meat launched in service messes to resounding the resounding clamour of apathy. Desperate to recoup lost money, Army demolishes 300 married quarters & sells snake meat holdings to Indian & Canadian Armed Forces.

Defence Procurement Agency
Decide they want to buy a Snake. Offer ambiguous contract out for tender. Contract states that an eel will be supplied as Government Furnished Equipment & must be modified to meet the performance characteristics of a snake as laid out in the aforementioned ambiguous contract. 6 years late & £3Bn pounds over budget, the project is scrapped & a COTS snake is bought from the USA for ££1Bn.

Whitehall Warrior
Initially denies knowledge of snake, but subsequently admits that snake was acquired on advice of intelligence services & secret legal advice. Announces inquiry which will lead to prosecution of service personnel who handled snake, whilst exonerating government ministers.

Royal Navy
Fires the entire UKs stock of Tomahawk missiles from its 4 remain ships.Estimates 60% of snake killed. Makes PowerPoint presentation to Parliamentary Select Committee on how naval forces are the most cost effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.

Royal Air Force
Obtains geo-co-ordinates for snake. Spends £20Bn of Eurofrighter to counter snake threat. Loads air to air missiles by mistake. Flies in at 20,000 feet, can’t find snake so dumps missiles in sea on way home. Returns to base for crew rest, dry-cleaning collection, facial & manicure.

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PostPosted: 21 Nov 2006 00:25 
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A virgin's worst nightmare

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 21 Nov 2006 09:25 
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Gents sorry about not replying before.

@ BOS, we are gonna have to made a man-law thread folks can add to. :bs

@Flamand, 'BomberBlair', LMAO! That was a good one. :bl




Cheers, Thorgrimm

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 30 Nov 2006 14:41 
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PostPosted: 01 Dec 2006 11:47 
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Flamand, that was hilarious!!!! :bl




Cheers, Thorgrimm

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 01 Dec 2006 15:41 
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PostPosted: 20 Dec 2006 23:01 
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Location: Maumee, Ohio
For My Democrat Friends:
"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."


For My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: 27 Dec 2006 05:03 
Offline
Sergeant
Sergeant

Joined: 27 Jul 2006 23:08
Posts: 235
Location: Australia
why are pubic hairs curly?

so they dont poke you in the eye.


ever hear of the irish torpedo?

it sank.


This tourist goes to Ireland, and he see's a shipwright with a sign out front, proudly displaying the words "WE BUILT THE TITANIC!". Going inside, he removes his hat and says "I'm sorry, but there's been a terrible tragedy. The Titanic sank about 100 years ago." Smiling, the shipwright replies "Whats the tragedy? it was full of English!"

_________________
"When in deadly danger,
When beset by doubt,
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: 02 Jan 2007 17:44 
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Corporal
Corporal
User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2005 16:23
Posts: 120
The power of camouflage... :w

Image

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A unit a day keeps the doctor away... :D
www.Kupuku.be, my latest project


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