The World of The Gunny

The Wasted World of Gunnery Sergeant DeShane
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PostPosted: 09 Dec 2005 17:50 
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LMAO! Req that was a riot! :gl

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 10 Dec 2005 12:17 
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
A Hindu guy, a Jewish guy, and a lawyer are driving on a back country road one night and their car breaks down. They walk up to a farmhouse and ask to spend the night, so they get their car repaired in the morning. The farmer says, "sure, but there's only room for two of you in the house, one of you will have to sleep in the barn".

The Hindu man says he's used to being treated poorly, so he'll sleep in the barn.

15 minutes later there is a knock at the farmer's door. The Hindu man is standing there and says, "I am so sorry, but there is a sacred cow in the barn, I cannot sleep there".

The Jewish guys gets up and says, "Fine, I'll go sleep in the barn".

15 minutes later there is a knock at the farmer's door. The Jewish man is standing there and says, "I'm sorry, but there is a pig in that barn. It's unclean and I refuse to sleep there".

The lawyer says "Fine, I'll go sleep in the freaking barn".

15 minues later, there is a knock at the farmer's door. The cow and the pig are standing there

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 10 Dec 2005 12:34 
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Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...

"Hi there, how is it going?"

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:

"Not bad..."

Then the voice says:

"So, what are you doing?"

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

"Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

"Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 15 Dec 2005 17:16 
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was invited to address a major
gathering of the Native American Nation two weeks ago
in upper New York state. She spoke for almost an hour
on her future plans for increasing every Native American's
present standard of living, should she one day become the
first female President. She referred to her career as a
New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every
Native American issue that came to her desk for approval.

Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan,
she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for
helping her "red sisters and brothers".

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the
Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Native American name
Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her
motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of
how they come to select the new name given to the Senator.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a
bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 15 Dec 2005 17:23 
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Engineering In Hell


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 16 Dec 2005 19:07 
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Joined: 23 May 2005 16:49
Posts: 5244
Location: Wandering the Wastes
If WW2 Had Been Fought Online



*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy shitholyshithoylshti!!!111
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bullshit u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 16 Dec 2005 19:18 
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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 17 Dec 2005 11:08 
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Sergeant Major of the USMC
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Joined: 23 May 2005 16:49
Posts: 5244
Location: Wandering the Wastes
A New Twist on the Night Before Christmas.


Twas the night before Christmas and all through San Quentin,
the crips were protesting, and liberals were ventin'.

The cyanide hung by the chamber wth care, in hopes that the reaper soon would be there.

The inmates were nestled all snug in their bed ;
except for Old Tookie, who soon would be dead.

And me with my beer mug, dressed warm in my flannell, had curled up to watch it, on the Fox News Channel.

I set up my TIVO to record the news station, and thoroughly loved the momentous occasion.

It seemed lady justice had gotten her way, and that there would be one less savage today.

When outside the jail there arose such a clatter, the cameras had turned to see what was the matter.

When what to my civilized eyes did appear, but a lineup of actors, all liberal, half queer.

The misguided freaks drew some curious looks, as they proclaimed his innocence; clutching his books.

The tears then flew out from Sarandon's eyes, as she nominated him again for the Nobel Peace Prize.

The actors were tethered to an ACLU sleigh, all towing the line of the urban decay.

On Asner, on Penn, on liberal cop-haters,
On Sharpton, on Jesse and other race-baiters.

Then at 3:01 all curled up like a beetle, Tookie cried like a bitch as they gave him the needle.

When up from the actors there arose such a cry, they had failed in their mission, and Tookie DID DIE !!

I heard Bill O'Reilly say, as I turned out my light, Merry Christmas to all ... there was justice tonight !!

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 17 Dec 2005 11:58 
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*Wild applause*

That was hilarious and a good political statement :bs

Anyhoo, mine:

As a pre-med student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 21 Dec 2005 15:11 
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True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 29 Jan 2006 19:30 
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Sergeant Major of the USMC
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Joined: 23 May 2005 16:49
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour".


Cheers, Thorgrimm

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 30 Jan 2006 11:18 
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
"I kicked her in the face."

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 30 Jan 2006 15:56 
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Helen Keller Humor

Why did Helen Keller's dog jump off a cliff and kill itself? You would too if your name was sajifjlsisdjifiuop

If Helen Keller fell down in the woods, would she make a sound?

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman!

No seriously why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead!

If helen keller were psychic, would she call it a fourth sense?

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? Stuck doorknobs to the walls.

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 30 Jan 2006 20:16 
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A little bit too tasteless BOS? Maybe it's just me but I think you crossed the line with those.


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PostPosted: 31 Jan 2006 12:01 
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is suddenly grabbed when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again, and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."

The lady was shocked. "You foul-mouthed swine!" she retorted, very indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa youa spell Mississippi."

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 01 Feb 2006 11:33 
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
A woman gets into a taxi wearing nothing but a pair of stiletto heels.
The taxi driver says, "Where to, love?"
"Town," she says.
"I noticed you don't have any clothes on. Do you have any money?"
"No."
"How do you intend to pay?"
Pointing to her vagina, she says, "will this be ok?"
"Err....have you got anything smaller?" says the taxi driver.

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 02 Feb 2006 11:48 
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One of my favorites... :)

How Hot is Hell?

A physics professor had written a take-home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote simple proofs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.

If so, then a mole of souls also can have mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we may safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people generally do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can thus expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. Conversely, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Therese Banyan during freshman year, that "It will be a cold day in hell before I sleep with you," and taking into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and hell is exothermic."

This student got the only A.

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PostPosted: 03 Feb 2006 12:25 
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Sergeant Major of the USMC
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
Flamand, that was a good one! :gl


Off a tombstone in Aberdeen
Here lie the bones of Elizabeth Charlotte,
Born a virgin, died a harlot.
She was a virgin at 17
A remarkable thing in Aberdeen

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 04 Feb 2006 20:26 
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Sergeant Major of the USMC
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
PARIS, France --
Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all ime.

Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France. The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap, all of which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.

Armstrong's girlfriend, American rocker Sheryl Crowe, is quoted as saying
"We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok in France."

Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong and found several other interesting items that they had never seen before, including a backbone and a testicle.

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 04 Feb 2006 20:36 
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Something a little interactive.

1) Go to www.google.com
2) Type in "french military victories"
3) Hit "I'm Feeling Lucky"

Enjoy.

Here's a link to what should happen: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library ... tories.htm

_________________
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors."


“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

www.shallowbay.com Best. Band. Ever.


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PostPosted: 05 Feb 2006 12:26 
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Sergeant Major of the USMC
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
After Six Decades, No End To The Quagmire

PARIS (Routers) AUGUST 25, 2004

Sixty years after Paris was seized by the "Allies," and the beginning of the American occupation, France remains a failed nation, mired in political corruption and beset by vast pockets of Muslim extremism and anti-semitism, into which the gendarmerie fear to tread. The economy continues to struggle under economic policies driven by failed ideologies, and many of its best and brightest continue to flow out of the country, with only ex-dictators and their families, and hysterical movie stars willing to move there.

Sadly, history has born out the predictions of those who, in the spring of 1944, warned against invading. Many had pointed out what a poor prospect the region was for any kind of democracy, with its long history of belligerence and arrogance, and failed republics.

Noted WW II historian Robert Winthrop pointed out that the occupation got off on the wrong foot from the beginning, when the Americans freely allowed atrocities in the fall of Paris. "In the wake of all the violence and sex that the brutal 'Allies' condoned, it's not surprising that the resentment lives on six decades later."

The corruption of the French government is legendary, with its current president likely avoiding jail only because he's president. The economy continues to limp along, with high unemployment rates, exacerbated by primitive socialistic policies.

The growing Islamic insurgency in the suburbs of the capital and other cities is particularly troubling, and even after six decades of training, it's not clear that the native security forces are up to the job, with many of them refusing to even enter disputed areas.

Many say that, as the US has done with France's similarly failed neighbor Germany, in which many desire a return to communism, it's time to give up and wash our hands of the region.

"Nation building is clearly a failed policy, and we'll have a much more effective foreign policy when we recognize that," said one U.S. State Department official. "At some point one has to realize that there are some places that are simply hopeless, and all we can do is manage them as best we can."

Regardless of the future, in the wake of all their current problems, it is little surprise that the French street views the sixtieth anniversary of the fall of their beautiful capital to western forces as a day of sadness, and hardly one to celebrate.

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 06 Feb 2006 14:53 
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Sergeant Major of the USMC
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Location: Wandering the Wastes
The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called
the "Style Invitational." The requirements this week were to use the two
words Lewinsky (The Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in the same
limerick.

Remember, the following winning entries were printed in the newspaper.

Third place:

There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place:

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski, Since you made such a
mess, Use the hem of your dress And please wipe that stuff off your
chinsky."

And the winning entry:

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to be blown.

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 07 Feb 2006 17:38 
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Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard

One Word: Hair.
Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
Kirk never drinks tea. Ever!
Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
Picard never met Joan Collins.
Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
Kirk knows how to deal with peace-loving hippy goofs.
Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only
Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
One Word: Fisticuffs.
You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
Kirk's bridge is not beige.
Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily
When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
Three Words: Flying Leg Kick

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A unit a day keeps the doctor away... :D
www.Kupuku.be, my latest project


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PostPosted: 08 Feb 2006 11:51 
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Flamand, you KNOW I loved that one! :bs

Fidel Castro wants to know how much the Cubans love him. So he knocks at a random door in Havana.

A littel girl opens the door.
"Who are you?"

Fidel answers:
"I'm the nice man that makes sure your lives are good!"

The little girl turns around and calls out:
"Mum, uncle Alberto from Miami is at the door!"

_________________
Benno the Mad Wrote:
man, you gotta realise that thor and bos fell out of the patriot tree (like the ugly tree, but instills patriotism instead of ugly) and hit every branch on the way down.


"Gone now, dispersed by the brutal destruction of this one day, was the belief that the Darkman and his army of the dead were so superior as to be invincible. By attempting to destroy the morale of the Marines, the Darkman had restored it to full vigor. Dia De La Muerto had failed in its objectives."
The Gunny: Stand of the 300

Si vis pacem, para bellum
If you want peace, prepare for war

Gunny's color #FF2400


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PostPosted: 08 Feb 2006 20:37 
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Joined: 25 May 2005 13:10
Posts: 99
Location: UK
How to Annoy a Trekkie

Paint his Spock ears red for that "embarrassed Vulcan" look.

Tell him that it sounds like his Geo Metro's antimatter injection tubes are out of phase balance with the warp coils, then watch him go nuts trying to run a level one diagnostic.

Wear the Star Fleet badge upside down and loudly proclaim, "I am the Anti-Kirk!"

Point out that asking a woman if she fancies a Romulan ale whilst wearing your Klingon head prosthetic and ill-fitting Federation Uniform is a terrible way to pull chicks.

Ask him why the phrase "gettin' to third base" is curiously absent from his Klingon glossary.

Tell him that in a parallel universe, women don't get nauseous at the sight of him.

Say "Captain, I'm sensing a profound feeling of... geekiness."

Constantly remark that the relationship between Spock and Kirk has definite homosexual overtones.

Constantly remark that the relationship between Spock and Kirk has definite homosexual overtones.

Constantly remark that the relationship between Spock and Kirk has definite homosexual overtones.

Constantly remark that the relationship between Spock and Kirk has definite homosexual overtones.

Constantly remark that the relationship between Spock and Kirk has definite homosexual overtones. :bl


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